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Unhealthy Relationships


Unfortunately, research has shown about 1 in 3 young people will be in an unhealthy relationship at some stage. Remember that an unhealthy relationship is not always about "the guy beating up his girlfriend". An unhealthy relationship is where one person makes the other feel bad or has more power in the relationship, such as:

Financial control: “if you don’t do this then I’m not going to pay for that” or “if you don’t come with me now then I’ll leave you here”

Losing a connection to friends: “if you leave me you’ll have no friends” or “no one would like you if it wasn’t for me"

Social isolation: “I don’t want you to hang out with your family” or “Your family is horrible to me. I am not going to that event”

Influence over the other person: “I think what you like/enjoy is stupid” or “you look ugly wearing that"

Omissions of the truth: “I was out. I don’t need to tell you where” or “I don’t want to talk about that” or changes the topic of conversation

Technological control: “If you don’t stay with me then I’ll post the naked photo of you” or “I know what you’ve been doing I have checked your phone"

It's all about sex: “I don’t want you to stay the night” or “You can leave now” or only contacts you for sex

Excessive jealousy: “I saw you talk to him/her – you are a slut” or “you are always flirting with other people. I don’t want you to talk to him/her anymore”

No compromise: “I want to do it my way. Your way is stupid” or “My life is more important than yours” or “I’m not doing what you asked. I’m doing my thing”

Excessive anger: If your partner is always venting at you, such as being angry at you, lashing out or feeling like you are always on the verge of a fight – this is not a healthy relationship. It is important to know that couples do fight or have disagreements but it should not be all the time.

An activity that can be helpful to evaluate your relationship is to think about what the percentage of good stuff versus bad stuff you deserve in your relationships – in most healthy relationships, the good stuff should be about 80% to 90% of the time, with only about 10% to 20% of bad stuff happening. If your relationship doesn't look like this, it might be a good time to reflect on why and what to do next. Remember that you deserve a happy and healthy relationship! Click here for more information about ending a relationship respectfully.

There shouldn't be any pressure to act or be a certain way in front of your partner – you should feel free to be yourself. You should feel emotionally safe, comfortable and confident.


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