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Intimacy in Relationships

One of the most rewarding parts of a relationship is to be able to share your ‘inner-world’ with someone you care about – and to be able to share their experiences too.

Intimacy often does not need words, but being able to put feelings and experiences into words makes intimacy more likely to occur.

Intimacy involves being able to share the whole range of feelings and experiences we have as human beings – pain and sadness, as well as happiness and love. For more ideas about how to create intimacy click here

Saying ‘I love you’ is important. Assuming your partner knows about your love because of the way you behave is usually not enough. Most of us, however, find it easier to share some types of feelings than others. For example, are you and your partner able to let each other know how you feel about each other? Click here to find out more about healthy relationships.

Intimacy is a journey of discovery in a relationship

Many couples start out their relationship sensing they have achieved a new dimension of intimacy which they have not experienced before. They are falling in love, it is exciting, and they cannot imagine a greater degree of intimacy. Yet, as time passes and couples go through some of the highs and lows in their relationship, they discover a series of deeper levels in their intimacy. Each discovery makes the relationship more rewarding and fulfilling. Intimacy does not happen by magic. It must be built up over time. This takes some people longer than others. Often the harder you work at intimacy, the more valuable and rewarding it is. The following are some steps that may help:

  • Be positive about what you have in your relationship and let your partner know what you value about them and about the relationship. Put it into words, do not assume they already know. Everybody likes to be told that they are appreciated and loved.
  • Create opportunities for intimacy. Make times when you can be alone together in a situation where you can focus on each other and on your relationship. The harder it is to do this because of parents, school or work or other commitments, the more important it is that you do it! Try to plan a regular evening, day or weekend for the two of you to be alone.
  • Practise making “I” statements about how you feel. This avoids putting your partner on the spot, and may help him or her do the same. For example “I feel hurt you didn’t ask me before you decided” instead of “Why didn’t you ask me first?”
  • After an argument look at the deeper feeling behind the anger, hurt, anxiety, or your sense of being let down. Talk to your partner about these feelings and ask about their feelings. For more information about communication in healthy relationships, click here. 

To find out more about your style of love, click here.

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