Did you know it's Steak & BJ Day Today?
Yep, it's a thing! It can be said that ‘the way to a man’s heart is through their stomach and their penis'...! Steak & BJ Day can be a chance to have a laugh and a joke around at the pure silliness of such a calendar day existing. However, thinking about it, there are so many layers to unpack around this topic. So let's delve right in shall we?
Steak and BJ (Blowjob) Day is an unofficial, satirical holiday, supposedly created in the USA by radio DJ Tom Birdsey in 2002, as a male response to Valentine’s Day and celebrated a month later on March 14th. The premise is that men don’t necessarily care for Valentine’s Day, and it can be perceived as a day for women. Unsurprisingly, the day has caused controversy and incited opposition, being described as antifeminist, patriarchal, outdated and sexist, vs being described as the greatest holiday of all time!
So What’s Wrong with Valentine’s Day?
I bet you've never thought about the origins of Valentine’s Day. It came from a western Christian feast day, honouring an early saint named 'Valentinus', and is recognised as a significant cultural, religious and commercial celebration of romance and romantic love in many places around the world. You probably know it best as the commercially driven day in which lovers express their feelings for each other, typically with flowers, heart shaped chocolates, cliche “I Love you” cards and romantic picnics etc.
The problem with Valentine’s Day, is that it is often seen as a 'straight women’s day'. This is sexist in itself, as it erases so many people, including the LGBTQI population and also men in general. Why is it seen as a day for women? There are many reasons why this could be the case. A few ideas are that maybe it's because societal norms of masculinity, particularly in Australia, require that men don't express much emotion. Maybe because straight women have this notion of ‘you have to put him through (perhaps unrealistic) tests to confirm that he loves you’. Straight women want to be ‘swept off their feet’ by their man. Which, to be honest, is not necessarily a dude’s strong point! There is a lot of perceived pressure on men to pull out all the stops for their woman, in fact, it may lead him to experience so much anxiety, and potentially just freeze and do nothing at all, because he doesn’t know what he's meant to do and doesn't want to get it wrong! To which their partner might express her disappointment because he didn’t organise ‘something special’, hence in her mind, ‘he must not love me’. Which is not necessarily true.
What’s So Good About Steak & BJ Day?
So Steak and BJ Day seems to have come about as a bit of a backlash (albeit a humorous one) from men, who are saying, ‘women expect us to buy them expensive flowers, which are just going to die anyway, as an expression of our love. This makes no sense to us guys, but we do it anyway, because we know it means something to you. So surely, that means that the guys are allowed to request a day where all you need to give us is a steak and a blowjob and we’ll be the happiest men alive’. Sounds pretty straightforward. What's so wrong about this?
What’s Not So Good About Steak & BJ Day?
If you look up ‘Steak and BJ Day’ you’ll find a lot of images of sexually objectified women, wearing skimpy clothes, cooking steak in the kitchen for their man and generally being represented in a degrading way, with the men appearing as dominant and the women appearing as submissive. Obviously, this isn’t cool, as it can be taken as sexist and offensive. Women might also feel like they are being pressured into providing this "Steak and Blowjob" for their partner, which also isn't cool. To take things even further “Chicken and Lickin’” Day was unofficially created as a female version of Steak and BJ Day so that the ladies could get some lovin' too!
Feeling overwhelmed!? It seems all these ‘days’ have sparked a bit of a gender war!
I mean, firstly, is it really necessary to seek compensation from our loved ones for expressing our love to them? Since when did love become so conditional?
Second, it seems a bit ridiculous and sexist that we are creating gendered holidays, especially when they might leave people in the LGBTIQ community out because of the potential for traditional societal gender roles to be played out. We need to remember that not ALL women want to celebrate Valentine’s Day – they don’t necessarily like flowers or chocolate. Just the way that not ALL men want steak and a bj. He might not care for steak, or he might be vegetarian! He might prefer other displays of love and affection over bj's – men have emotions too, they’re not just primal predators of meat and blowjobs.
And third, can’t we just show our love and respect for each other, no matter who we are, our sex, our gender, our sexuality, regardless of any so called ‘day’?
Solutions & Considerations
Let's cut the crap shall we? If a relationship is celebrated, it should be a celebration for ALL people (whether this be two or more people, and whatever sex, gender and sexuality they identify with) in ALL relationships (whether it be heterosexual or LGBTIQ+) . It’s important that all people in the relationship have their emotional and physical needs met.
It might be a good idea to discuss with your partner if you want to celebrate your relationship on a ‘day’ or not. If you do, which day? (It might be Steak & BJ Day and / or Chicken and Lickin' Day, and that's great! Go for it!) How will you both celebrate each other? You might like to consider each others love styles / languages. In saying that, relationships shouldn’t just be valued or celebrated on a ‘day’, but applied to the whole relationship. It's a bit shitty to be in a relationship where your partner will only give you a blowjob (or something else) on a special occasion, like a birthday, or Christmas, or, well, Steak & BJ Day! People need to have certain needs met, and intentionally depriving your partner of their needs can be a bit cruel. On the other extreme, I’m not saying you have to give your partner 'steak and a blow job day' (or the equivalent) every day – besides, buying steak would get expensive and giving blow jobs would become a chore, and nobody wants that. People in a loving relationship should strive to do little things often, without going overboard, to express their love for their partner. Even just a kind word, a hug, or a thoughtful act can go a really long way.
BJs Are Meant To Be Fun
Blow jobs are meant to be fun for all people involved. If they’re not fun – don’t do it. You should never let anyone coerce you into giving them a blow job – or any other sexual act for that matter. If you don’t enjoy giving or receiving blow jobs, make your wishes clear to your partner/s. If you do decide that you would like to give or receive a blowjob, make sure you communicate about how exactly you like it or don’t like it. A person giving the blow job might request that the person receiving, for example, doesn’t grip their head or thrust into them, and the person receiving might request that the person giving doesn’t, for example, use their teeth (!) or to use certain techniques and not others. Any kind of sexual act should never feel disempowering, degrading or unwanted. It's also ok to change your mind at any stage.
Last but not least, whether you need a ‘day’ as an excuse to get your sexy time on or not (I hope you don’t), make sure you respect yourself and your partner by knowing your status and get tested for HIV, STIs and BBVs regularly.